tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-366469522012-02-16T20:34:06.884-05:00Supporting Sanity Around the WorldCaptain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.comBlogger811100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-73441741900710812742008-12-22T13:51:00.003-05:002008-12-22T14:09:42.569-05:00

Russian Senators Hard at Work in the Struggle for DemocracyIn a surprise vote on Monday, Senators in Russia's Federation Council overcame tremendous odds to extend democracy in what many Russia-watchers called a crucial vote to extend the president's term in office from four to six years. Democracy has been a strong tradition in Russia for hundreds of years, but it had been threatened as

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-30399168158076911772008-11-24T15:01:00.007-05:002008-11-24T22:36:08.152-05:00

American and Japanese mercenaries in training for the Georgian conflictRussia's top investigator claimed that he had evidence that individual mercenaries from several NATO countries, including the United States, fought against the Russians in the war in Georgia last August.The mercenaries allegedly participated in several high-risk operations against Russian servicemen, including at least one

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-10602349380925553602008-10-01T09:30:00.004-04:002008-10-01T09:48:34.620-04:00

President Putin Medvedev after being arrested by police in CincinnatiThe high-tech disguise that has been protecting Russian President Dimitry Medvedev since mid-summer failed spectacularly on Sunday, causing Mr. Medvedev to lose mental and physical control of himself. According to preliminary reports, he disappeared from the Kremlin early Sunday morning, only to show up on the outskirts of

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-70933593177317068782008-09-29T11:05:00.005-04:002008-09-29T11:07:41.083-04:00

From the DailyKos.I didn't make this, I didn't post this first, and I wasn't even with-it enough to see it coming, but I'm hopping on the band-wagon now! Why do you read this blog, again?

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-37312040429031243282008-09-26T11:47:00.007-04:002008-09-26T14:11:05.789-04:00

Russian President Dimitry Medvedev employs an ingenious disguise in a meeting with Venezuela's Hugo ChavezIt has been difficult for Western journalist-spies to get a fix on Russia's new president, Dimitry Medvedev, during the past few weeks. Things have been tougher still for the legions of screaming fans that typically greet the charismatic leader's public appearances. Recently, however,

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-89902851516802463562008-09-09T07:26:00.009-04:002008-09-10T10:15:33.937-04:00

Karate Kid Ralph Machio has also allegedly been implicated in the scandalOver the weekend, disturbing allegations surfaced which stated that North Korea may have trained a series of pop culture icons from the 1970s and 1980s, including Shaft, the Karate Kid and possibly Blackula, as its agents and assassins. This follows news that Pyongyang previously attempted to subvert the International

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-14627454973003476692008-09-08T08:48:00.007-04:002008-09-08T09:01:45.414-04:00

Guns roar in Georgia,But sneaky me slinks,A dictator mouse.-A. Lukashenko

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-20089482563835976032008-09-02T11:41:00.009-04:002008-09-02T15:24:21.412-04:00

Family of Vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Bristol Palin on right.Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain hinted to reporters today that Russian manly-man and Prime Minister Vladimir Putin had, in fact, impregnated the 17-year-old daughter of McCain's running mate, Sarah Palin.McCain held a press conference earlier, in which he stated that "we know there were a lot of Russians in

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-10538027479498565842008-08-26T08:12:00.013-04:002008-09-01T00:31:46.644-04:00

Members of the rebel Georgian militia forces celebrate their recognitionThrough a fluke of language, Moscow seems to have mistakenly granted diplomatic recognition to the secessionist county of Catoosa in the American state of Georgia, according to Jim Mahoney, President of the rebel Catoosan government. "As gawd as mah witness, we ah free at lay-ast!" intoned Mr. Mahoney. "We never stopped

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-66397940810248851682008-08-09T11:43:00.003-04:002008-08-09T11:47:14.387-04:00

An artist's rendition of Homo MedvedicusRussian archeologists announced today that they have discovered a new species of political leader, which they have termed Homo Medvedicus. The find was made during a dig near the Kremlin's West wall."This important discovery calls into question all previous hypotheses regarding the evolution of Russian leaders," said Dr. Mikhail Khuyovin of the Russian

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-47722559597235331742008-08-08T09:18:00.003-04:002008-08-08T09:55:04.258-04:00

Victory in Defeat: the Georgian team with the Silver Medal in TNA during the 1992 OlympicsFollowing an intense qualifying round on August 7, just before the Beijing Games were due to open, the Olympic Team from the Republic of Georgia was able to enter another event: Total National Annihilation at the Hands of Marauding Russian Troops, commonly known as TNA.Sports fans may remember that Georgian

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-69490366258930374822008-05-28T10:32:00.005-04:002008-05-28T10:48:44.020-04:00

Saparmurat NiyazovThe late President-for-Life of Turkmenistan, Saparmurat Niyazov, was declared "still dead" by his doctors during a routine physical examination on Tuesday. Aids to Mr. Niyazov, also known as the Turkmenbashi, or Father of All Turkmen, were quick to note that "this demonstrates Turkmenbashi's greatness, in that during these times of serious global upheaval he has continued to

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-68423151224235595452008-05-28T09:50:00.006-04:002008-05-29T07:52:14.789-04:00

Vladimir PutinRussian Prime Minister and Prime Minister of the Alliance of Belarus and Russia Vladimir Putin continued to add to his list of titles Wednesday when it was announced that he would become the sovereign ruler of The Kingdom of Nawu, effective June 1 of this year.King Clethu IV of Nawu surveys his realmNawu, a vast, imaginary realm of dragons and castles that spans the basements,

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-34372151397802497582008-05-24T09:38:00.001-04:002008-05-24T09:40:10.718-04:00

jus an average joe lookin for a rte type of gal to be frenz....and chat abt stuff and may be date if lucky.......

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-1602197794857361902008-05-20T09:36:00.006-04:002008-05-20T11:11:25.593-04:00

The FSB's new weapon thrusting powerfully at another enemy of the peopleRussia's massive organ of state security, the FSB, announced Monday that it has deployed a long-rumored secret weapon against terrorists and other enemies of the people. The Axis has obtained video footage of the weapon, dubbed "Vanka-Vstanka", in action against Garry Kasparov, a dangerous political mastermind whose following

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-54412856187971498852008-05-14T15:26:00.008-04:002008-05-14T16:06:11.411-04:00

Grainy footage of mass gymnastics training obtained by an Israeli intelligence asset.As the majority of the Western press focuses on North Korea's apparent renunciation of nuclear weapons, many intelligence agencies are increasingly perturbed by the recent sharp uptick in funding for the country's mass gymnastics program."Recent satellite imaging shows that North Koreans are practicing mass

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-64275966707998140612008-05-06T08:18:00.007-04:002008-05-07T09:17:50.399-04:00

Ceci n'est pas un ICBM is just one of Mr. Putin's pieces that he plans to display at his gallery opening on May 9.For outgoing Russian President Vladimir Putin, the last remaining days in the Kremlin have been lonely: solitarily packing the boxes in his office for the move to the White House, where the Russian Parliament sits; giving the last handful of sparsely attended press conferences to the

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-74755919116577422232008-03-26T10:21:00.005-04:002008-04-11T07:08:18.758-04:00

Our special correspondent has travelled Russia far and wide over the past three hours in an attempt to unravel this enigma wrapped in a riddle packed inside a cat-meat shwarma sold to us on the street by an Azeri gastarbeiter. Here are a few notes from his journey. Errr, not so much journey as quick jog around Moscow. And by jog we mean google search, and by Moscow we mean the internet-based

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-41080644152593090952008-03-12T13:57:00.005-04:002008-03-12T15:54:47.945-04:00

An Analytical Opinion Piece by Axis Editor Idi AminColleagues! Friends! Dictators! Recent events in Russia have once again raised that country's government to the highest standards of dictatordom. Appearing to follow the letter of the law, Vladimir Putin has removed himself from the Presidential chair while retaining his full power by ruling through his appointed titular head of state (tit-head),

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-32849813494202160692008-03-10T15:35:00.004-04:002008-03-10T15:52:39.445-04:00

Chad (on right)The International Crisis Group, a Brussels-based think tank, released a new paper on Monday in which it labeled Chad as one of the main causes of violence in the Western Sudanese region of Darfur."Chad is basically a nice guy, but he can be a real dick sometimes," states the ICG report. "Especially if he's been drinking. Like this one time, we were at a Garth Brooks concert and he

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-4428663887976913182008-02-29T09:42:00.005-05:002008-05-14T15:23:51.101-04:00

Russian President-to-be Dmitry Medvedev and his new governmentRussian President-to-be and slavish Putin fanboy Dmitry Medvedev announced on Friday the members of his new government. Uhhh, we mean, if he's elected. Yeah, it's democratic. Whatever, anyway, Medvedev racked up some nerd-cred with fans of second-tier rock bands from the 1970s by filling nearly half of the seats in his government

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-51868840565981611052008-02-06T14:25:00.000-05:002008-02-06T14:30:49.649-05:00

Just what I wanted for Valentine's Day...BBC: A new film purported to be based on Putin's normally very private life is soon to be released in Russia. The film, called A Kiss - Off the Record, is due to come out on Valentine's Day, but only on DVD. Its fictional hero is a German-speaking St Petersburg Russian with a secretive job who marries a stewardess, has two daughters and rises to the

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-35128958404153034502008-02-06T13:49:00.001-05:002008-03-26T09:15:52.111-04:00

Iranian President Ahmadinejad inspecting third-generation phaser technology at a recent Star Trek convention in Los AngelesHaving scored a major diplomatic victory following the US intelligence community's admission at the end of 2007 that Iran was no longer actively pursuing a covert nuclear weapons program, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is apparently feeling bolder than ever. In recent

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-79331318568222341192008-01-09T14:27:00.000-05:002008-01-09T14:35:48.947-05:00

Photo: NY Daily NewsOk, all of the following is totally true. Which isn't to say that everything else on this blog isn't true. It's just not quite as truthfully true as this very true story. For real.CARACAS (Reuters) - Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez in an interview with supermodel Naomi Campbell predicted that the U.S "empire" is about to fall, called Jesus Christ history's No. 1

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-36501548014767208462007-12-19T11:14:00.000-05:002007-12-20T21:46:02.614-05:00

Russian President Vladimir Putin during the filming of the video for "Slap U Silly"It's been a banner year for Russian President Vladimir Putin by any account: Russia won the bid for the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, rising oil prices have supported increased domestic spending, and Mr. Putin's United Russia won a commanding majority in the Parliament, placing him in a strong position to become

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-69969331064847447782007-12-04T07:40:00.000-05:002007-12-04T07:51:46.921-05:00

Hugo Chavez after losing Sunday's referendumVenezuelan President Hugo Chavez, having failed to secure popular support for his bid to become President-for-life on Sunday, has withdrawn to his revolutionary bedroom on the second floor of his Palácio de la Revolución, according to his aides. "He was up there all day yesterday," said Juan Julio de la Calle Gonzales. "He never came out. He just

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-63439846459302419752007-12-04T07:23:00.000-05:002007-12-04T07:33:30.669-05:00

A key plank in the new Zhirinovsky platformLeading Russian political philosopher Vladimir Zhirinovsky announced his plan for the Duma in the coming session this morning. "Russia needs to take it easy," he said. "We have worked so hard as a country, everyone is always thinking and doing things. It's time to stop all that. Just leave everything to me and [President Putin], and go have a drink

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-90975767650003213442007-11-26T10:36:00.001-05:002007-11-26T11:44:37.986-05:00

Putin prepares to smite the oppositionAt a press conference on Monday Russian President Vladimir Putin confirmed the suspicions of many Russian and foreign observers that he is, in fact, not human, but a shape-shifting robot made entirely of a mysterious liquid metal that was sent from the future to alter the past and guarantee power for United Russia, the largest political party in Russia. He

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-90755183763304905772007-11-24T22:29:00.000-05:002007-11-24T22:37:59.517-05:00

You were expecting maybe Chavez?You Just [sic] dropped the kids off at school, and don't want to go home, clean or do errands, or any other mundane thing that is on your list. How about joining me for coffee, no strings, just maybe some harmless chatting, flirting and see where if [sic] goes. I'm 45 [sic], in shape, MWM, you 35-45, married female, race unimportant. Let's Chat!Coffeeandflirt,

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-9335679567535226162007-11-20T09:52:00.001-05:002007-11-20T11:04:59.376-05:00

Ahmadinejad seeks to give Chavez a hand in his endeavorsDuring this week's OPEC summit in Iran, model revolutionary and leader of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, declared his solidarity with the Bolivarian working people and announced a new phase of his ongoing revolution."I am with you, my brothers and sisters!" he proclaimed to the audience of Saudi princes and oil magnates. "Inspired by the recent

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-85550560187683286692007-11-03T09:15:00.000-04:002007-11-11T13:47:13.781-05:00

No more bores. No more troglodytes who think the correct order of things is 1)sex 2)getting to know me 3)being friends 4)a relationship. Can you go for a 5 mile hike? Can you look this good in makeup? Can you drink beer with my gopnik St. Petersburg friends? Can you swear (and dress) like a sailor if need be? Can you break down all the walls and be a passionate person to a friend in need? Are

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-30203475832989519042007-10-30T12:29:00.002-04:002008-02-29T11:32:16.084-05:00

Ok, enough faffing about, it's the third annual dictators' fall fashion revue, coming to you live from beautiful seventh avenue in New York City! I'm your host, Thusee Ayeh, thank you all for joining us tonight! We've got an excellent line-up for you this evening, some old faces and some new, but all fab-u-lous!First, please let me introduce our honorary Grand Marshal for tonight's festivities

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-11763528481985146092007-10-30T10:23:00.000-04:002007-11-03T09:14:51.173-04:00

Cogito, Ergo Sum. Over simplified, yet complex. Still figuring myself out. Loving my career. Proud Volunteer. Introverted Extrovert. Lover of all things equestrian. Avid reader. Cooking is a passion, not just a hobby. Shy. Goofy. Down to earth individual.Hugonaut, Box #34179

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-53807949193526189582007-10-26T10:16:00.000-04:002007-10-26T10:22:38.901-04:00

So that time of year is approaching when the wind chill drops and our breaths manifest themselves visually with our inhales and exhales in the frigid breezes. When normal outdoor activities are paused and hot cocoa replaces a popsicle. We enjoy the chill and crispness of Winter's lead, yet in the end, we always want to go home to something warm, soothing and comfortable. I always say that I'm

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-35501837433410502162007-10-24T07:43:00.000-04:002007-10-24T08:04:02.506-04:00

New York TimesPresident George "WTF" Bush issued a speech before a group of Cuban dissidents at the State Department today, in which he warned the Cuban government that the United States would not tolerate a transfer of power from the ailing Fidel Castro to his younger brother Raul. This speech marked a sharp change in the tone of US-Cuba relations, which have typically been genial for at least

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-46052294411097767882007-10-23T10:24:00.000-04:002007-10-23T10:43:13.777-04:00

The new face of the KremlinIn an unprecedented step, the Russian government announced that it had held a double-secret snap referendum on Sunday to alter the current Constitution. While much of the fundamental document remains the same, the referendum changed a series of regulations on the presidency and the overall structure of the government.Although current President Vladmir Putin has spent

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-18222515712692815122007-09-06T11:39:00.000-04:002007-09-06T11:51:46.429-04:00

Dear China,We just wanted to "tank" you very much for coming to our party last week. It was so great to get together with you, Kyrgyzstan and the rest of the guys and just let it all hang out. Remember when we all got to play dress-up? That was so cool! The cookout was awesome, too! We sure scared the shit out of those nomadic herders, eh?Anyway, we hope you had a great time, and that you

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-88959323470020791722007-08-31T11:20:00.000-04:002007-08-31T11:30:23.633-04:00

Putin has often been revered in Russia as a "man's man"Kremlin aides again denied rumors about Vladimir Putin's sexuality after the Russian President was allegedly involved in an "incident" in the mens' room earlier this week. "The President is not gay," stated his Chief of Staff, Vladislav Surkov. "He has never been gay! He loves his family and his friends, both of which, as we all know, are

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-21918436593504159692007-08-24T23:23:00.000-04:002007-08-24T23:46:03.480-04:00

Leaked satellite reconnaissance image of two new classified Russian aircraft being tested near YekaterinburgAccompanying what many Russia analysts have called a return to Soviet-style assertiveness, a trend that over the past few weeks has seen Russian long-range bombers approach the airspace of the United Kingdom and the US protectorate of Guam, the Kremlin announced Monday that it had ordered

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-50343551570686271482007-08-07T10:50:00.000-04:002007-08-07T11:18:07.088-04:00

A portion of a shipment seized by Border Control Agents on Monday. Hundreds of small Canadian flags have already been prepared for use.In a related development, the CIA has leaked details of an insidious Canadian plot to take over the world's supply of alcohol and cocktail munchies. According to an unnamed Agency source, Ottawa had developed a vast arsenal of tiny Canadian flags, which were to

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-72555236556556694732007-08-06T13:59:00.000-04:002007-08-06T14:37:54.353-04:00

Following years of territorial disputes with Eastern Europe, the United States officially laid claim to Tacky Clothing and bleached blondes early Monday morning. Congressmen, Shriners and Republican presidential candidates taking part in a special ceremony watched via a closed-circuit television feed as a remote-controlled robot placed a puffy imitation-leather jacket with an image of the

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-46356391012311796332007-08-01T12:25:00.000-04:002007-08-01T12:37:25.316-04:00

Batka: Beastier than thouToday before a packed press conference in Minsk, the President of Belarus, Aleksandr Lukashenko, announced that he would be stepping down from his post to devote his life to an even greater undertaking: over-50 Beastie Boys cover band, which he dubbed "Sabotage.""I've been a huge fan of the Beasties for years," explained Lukashenko. "As you can see, I've been

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-90858414222845392232007-06-20T11:53:00.001-04:002007-06-20T12:28:12.482-04:00

Kazakh President, Nursultan Nazarbaev announced today the the Mazhilis, or Parliament of Kazakhstan, will be dissolved with elections scheduled for August 18th, 2007. The move came as no surprise to the international community who has been anticipating such an event since the constitution was amended allowing Mr. Nazarbaev to be re-elected indefinitely. The new parliament would consist of 107

J-storhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13956052431670755730noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-75046060352290646022007-06-18T12:17:00.000-04:002007-06-19T14:28:17.292-04:00

Radio Free Europe reports that Russia's President Vladimir Putin has been awarded the "Closed Oyster," a prize granted by a German media group for obstructing freedom of the press. (The closed oyster is not to be confused with the Golden Clam award given each year in Quohog, Rhode Island, which Putin will be 'competing' for this fall.) Netzwerk Recherche, a small German journalists'

Ernnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-59420458441183470672007-06-14T09:22:00.000-04:002007-06-14T10:46:55.695-04:00

Putin: Fairest of them allIn an exchange with President George W. Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair today, Russian President Vladimir Putin requested that his colleagues stop being so "emotional" over minor issues like UN aid for Darfur and whose new perm looks the best."I honestly thought we had put all this behind us after that time when we stopped speaking to each other," said Mr.

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-14483174081621937152007-06-08T13:06:00.000-04:002007-06-08T13:48:28.210-04:00

The Cover of Vladimir Putin's Second R&B Album, Lay You Down Slow/MahatmaVladimir Putin announced the upcoming release of his second R&B album in a press conference earlier today. Though his first album enjoyed just moderate success and only one single cracked the Billboard.ru Top 100, the President's second release is much anticipated."Thiz is really a return to my rootz," he explained to the

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-75358393848286947542007-06-05T16:49:00.000-04:002007-06-05T16:51:33.101-04:00

I don't want to go to a Federal Pound-Me-In-The-Ass Prison!

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-82732457193277299362007-06-05T16:18:00.000-04:002007-06-07T15:58:47.559-04:00

Daniel Day Lewis Vladimir Putin in the epic film Last of the DemocratsIn a mournful address to the media earlier today, Vladimir Putin, President of the Russian Federation, his eyes filled with tears, spoke the words all have feared for months: "My dear friends, it's a real tragedy. The thing is that I am the only [Democrat], there just aren't any others in the world." This announcement was

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-28867015887646166322007-06-05T14:12:00.000-04:002007-06-05T16:49:25.712-04:00

Kim Jong Il poses with the cast. The dancers in the top row were decapitated for lacking zeal.Excited theatregoers in Pyongyang thronged to the city's most famous theater, Juche City Music Hall No. 3, for a chance to purchase advance tickets for what insiders have called the sensation of the North Korean capital's already packed theatrical season. Despite the worldwide success of smash hits like

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-64522476550637356332007-05-24T08:13:00.000-04:002007-05-24T15:41:13.947-04:00

Russian President Vladimir Putin with the completely normal-sized Austrian Foreign Minister Plassnik Kremlin aids denied rumors again today that Russian President Vladimir Putin's "natural herbal enhancers"--which the he takes to supplement his exercise regimen--are having an adverse effect on his health."Rumors of presidential shrinkage are unfounded," stressed Vladislav Surkov, the President's

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-2911022213932344462007-05-21T10:44:00.000-04:002007-05-21T11:06:08.893-04:00

Putin, forehead veins bulging with power, was already visibly irritated before the confrontation.An especially burly looking Vladimir Putin, President of the Russian Federation since 2000, lost his temper today during the closing ceremonies to a joint summit with the leaders of the European Union. Unconfirmed reports from eyewitnesses claim that the president was provoked by a comment from German

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-81723152194063702022007-05-19T10:36:00.000-04:002007-05-19T10:58:52.536-04:00

Vladimir Putin demonstrates the proper technique for "rug munching" with the Patriarch. AP.Russian Orthodox Patriarch Alexei II held a press conference today in which he described the table manners of President Vladimir Putin as "an abomination." It is believed that Putin's behavior at a recent state dinner sparked this protest."It was horrible," said the Patriarch. "We were all sitting there

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-70797348464578363872007-05-05T15:34:00.000-04:002007-05-05T15:56:32.574-04:00

A. Karpyuk/Grani.ru The Only Way to Be!Hey, you! You right there!I can push you if I want!This hat makes me right!A Haiku by Sergeant Ivan Sidorov, Moscow Militia

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-10590527075295820472007-05-03T09:57:00.000-04:002007-05-03T12:12:32.406-04:00

Russia (right) drowns its sorrows with close friend BelarusIn violation of a restraining order taken out by Estonia in 1994 after the couple's extremely tense breakup, Russia showed up in Tallinn last week. Eyewitnesses claim that the former superpower was clearly drunk, and acting "belligerent." Police were called to resolve the dispute, but not before Russia broke two of the windows on

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-16732735229777465942007-04-23T08:00:00.000-04:002007-05-08T13:44:04.497-04:00

I didn't make this.It turns out that the world's media were just as distracted as everyone else by the Anna Nicole Smith paternity tests. In a rare instance of poor fact-checking and worse judgement, reporters the world over responded to a particularly vitriolic propaganda campaign by the North Korean government, taking statements made by the KCNA as fact. As we now know, North Korea did not, in

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-84049643894279420252007-04-17T13:32:00.000-04:002007-04-23T08:03:57.565-04:00

Russian national guardsmen impounding a demonstrator's taintIn what has been described by many Western observers as Europe's second-worst police state, Russian authorities passed a law late yesterday banning the "taint," or the area between a man's scrotum and anus. This is just the latest and most severe step in a long string of repressive legislation restricting the possession by unauthorized

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-52712296271485253352007-04-12T16:08:00.000-04:002007-04-12T17:04:36.815-04:00

Kim Jong Il Preparing for a One-on-one Cage Match with Avian FluMay the sun shine brightly forever upon the glorious countenance of Kim Jong Il, Generalissimo of the Combined Armies of North and South Korea, China, Russia, and Zimbabwe, Dear Leader of the People's Democratic Republic of Everywhere but Andorra, and Supreme Champion of Fear Factor, American Idol, Girls Next Door and every other

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-49030859326735665102007-04-11T14:33:00.000-04:002007-04-12T16:07:23.595-04:00

North Korea's Famous Razzle-Dazzle Brigade Invades BeijingIn a move designed to take advantage of the world's preoccupation with the continually unfolding drama surrounding the Anna Nicole Smith paternity trial, North Korea invaded China and Russia in a multi-pronged attack taking both countries completely by surprise. Reports from the field indicate that China, whose entire leadership has

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-84010246507443142792007-04-11T14:15:00.001-04:002008-09-02T15:34:50.412-04:00

Turkmenbashi at a press conference earlier WednesdayDead men apparently do tell tales, especially when it comes to fathering the children of washed up playmates, as the late President-for-Life of Turkmenistan, Saparmurat Niyazov, proved in a press conference earlier today. Turkmenbashi, or the Father of the Turkmen People, as Niyazov is also known, told journalists today about the steamy, though

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-75920694383166900242007-04-11T11:52:00.001-04:002008-09-02T15:35:55.430-04:00

MSNBC.comLarry Birkhead claims paternity of child after publicizing falsified "test results" While much of the Western media swarmed like rabid sharks yesterday around the results of the so-called "paternity test" in the custody battle for the young child of the Anna Nicole Smith, this reporter smelled a rat. I decided to conduct my own investigation into the matter.I knew that the foppish Larry

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-11061934922931826982007-04-10T11:32:00.000-04:002007-04-11T21:24:30.016-04:00

A man claiming to be the new Turkmen President being deported during a so-called "diplomatic visit."ITAR-Flass Last week a second round of deportations of illegal migrant laborers was completed, pursuant to changes made to Russian immigration law. The changes were designed to increase transparency and reduce the corruption associated with illegal immigrant labor, as well as to strengthen the rule

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-82383533996548146222007-03-26T12:26:00.000-04:002007-04-11T15:11:18.993-04:00

Kadyrov reads to small children at a presentation of his new book.Simian Chechen strongman Ramzan Kadyrov announced at a press conference early on Monday the publication of his most recent children's book, The Fluffy Bunny and His Flying Fists of Truth and Justice. Readers will recognize this as the fourth installment in the Fluffy Bunny series, which includes such notable titles as The Fluffy

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-13156351804847865632007-03-21T15:00:00.000-04:002007-04-11T15:12:23.147-04:00

Mugabe Goes Bat-Shit and Steps DownBBC NewsZimbabwe's beloved leader and head of the ZANU-PF party, Robert Mugabe, who is responsible for the country's phenomenal prosperity and a recent economic boom rivaling even that of East Timor, announced at a press conference today that he would soon resign the presidency to pursue a career on the lucrative black Hitler impersonator circuit. Speaking from

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-68374368425678360562007-03-13T13:46:00.000-04:002007-04-11T15:12:49.812-04:00

You know I love 'em.Israel Appoints New Ambassador to Vatican CityAmbassador Potok from an Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs file photo.Pope Benedict XVI was unavailable for comment.

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-75849859247459112852007-03-06T12:02:00.000-05:002007-04-11T15:13:20.616-04:00

In an act of final capitulation, PBS announced late Monday that it will join the reality-tv fray with its new show, entitled "Central Asia's Next Top Dictator," with host, uhhh, that Seacreat guy from American Idol, or whatever. That prick Simon, also from AI, was initially given the nod to become head judge, though he recently disappeared after insulting the vocal stylings of Islam Karimov of

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-70824599901778046162007-03-01T14:39:00.000-05:002007-05-05T16:00:18.902-04:00

...or Portrait of a DisasterPhoto: New York TimesDiminutive President of Russia Vladimir Putin, already regretting his decision, gripped his presidential chair in fear and awe of the hulking, stinking figure across the table from him. He tried desperately to remember his judo-master training as his heart beat nervously beneath his tailored suit. "Ramzan," he said, "we're going ahead and making

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-60125685296320173462007-02-28T10:07:00.000-05:002007-04-11T15:13:58.186-04:00

...Who is the stupidest of them all?Once again, I swear I did not make this up. Lukashenko for President of Russia, 2008. Russian speakers and those inclined towards political diarrhea, check out the site at http://www.lukashenko2008.ru.

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-14406382581267510632007-02-18T01:08:00.000-05:002007-04-11T15:17:30.438-04:00

Turkmen voters at the polls.Dear Readers,Some of you may have noticed that our coverage here at The Axis of Stupid has been slanted of late towards internal political developments in Turkmenistan. Many of our readers in the diplomatic corps have also expressed concern that our coverage may somehow be construed as insulting to that great nation. Though we certainly meant no disrespect, as editor

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-84918891356396901372007-02-05T11:37:00.000-05:002007-04-11T15:15:46.474-04:00

North Korea's famous couture missile designer People's House of Rockets No. 239 announced yesterday its intent to completely rebrand its line of missiles for the crucial Summer 2008 season."After months of focus-group research, we decided that naming our missiles things like 'No-Dong' and 'Taepo Dong' just wasn't getting our message across to the types of customers we were trying to attract,"

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-1230821073748443382007-01-29T08:26:00.000-05:002007-04-11T15:16:33.290-04:00

No, no, this is too implausible, even for us. I can't do it. Nevermind...

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-85577050570576534712006-12-21T13:54:00.000-05:002007-04-11T15:17:00.463-04:00

Crazy-ass Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stopped in Ashgabat Friday on while returning from Michael Jackson's Neverland Valley Ranch to offer his congratulations to Turkmen President-elect for Life Sapurmurat Niyazov, along with his condolences to the people of Turkmenistan on the occasion of the death of late President for Life Sapurmurat Niyazov.While meeting with Niyazov,

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-69208285973246458152006-12-21T10:40:00.000-05:002007-04-11T15:17:16.167-04:00

According to official Turkmen state television, Sapurmurat Niyazov, President for Life of Turkmenistan, ruler of the small Central Asian nation since 1985, succumbed to a heart attack early in the morning on Thursday, December 21. A funeral service for Niyazov, who was also called the Turkmenbashi, or "Father of the Turkmen People," is scheduled for December 24. A national mourning period of

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-89136469601446451432006-12-20T22:51:00.000-05:002007-04-11T15:20:48.254-04:00

MONITORING STATION TROMSO2006.12.20 17:53.21 ZULUORIGIN: NOVEMBER KILO 1-9BEGIN TRANSMISSIONDear Santa,As you are no doubt aware, I've been very good this year. I only fired one little rocket over Japan, and I only lit one fire. I don't think you know how hard it is for me to restrain myself! Plus, I was happy with the less-than-stellar rocket scientists you sent me last Christmas, and I put

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-1165450024468977952006-12-06T18:40:00.000-05:002007-04-11T15:18:31.595-04:00

Everyone thought that when Putin reorganized Russia into seven federal "super-districts" he was just trying to increase his own power. Our analysts here at the Axis, however, have uncovered secret documents in a Kremlin sub-basement that say otherwise. Here they are, distributed to the public for the first time ever:TOP SECRET, EYES ONLYExecutive Order No. 3429RE: Redistribution of Regional

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-1165246799788270342006-12-04T10:39:00.000-05:002007-04-11T15:19:23.451-04:00

Under the Whether in Concert, Minsk, 2003. Extended bass solo, dude!Pyongyang/Caracas-based prog-rock/emo/deathmetal/screamo group with classic-rock tendencies, some pop, some ska mixed with GWAR looking to bring in gnarly drummer who can really wail on the skins to compliment lead bass-player Kim Krazy Il. Back-up bassist/lead singer Hugo "Power Chord" Chavez (see photo) lays down killer lines

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-1164918276428192152006-11-30T14:55:00.000-05:002008-02-06T14:32:17.256-05:00

Belarusian President Alexander Lukashenko: A still lifeLuka makes it just a little too easy. Here are a few gems he let drop to Ukrainian journalists at a press conference last week:On Ukrainian-Belarusian Relations: "Pray God it [the Union of Belarus and Ukraine] happens some time. Believe me, everybody would have to take this [Belarusian-Ukrainian] state into consideration... We would bargain

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-1164731615243205072006-11-28T11:32:00.000-05:002007-04-11T15:20:32.361-04:00

A source at the NSA recently leaked the following email, which was intercepted between Pyongyang and Los Angeles:FROM: Long-Jong-Ilver@PlatformShoes.nkTO: Pam@pamanderson.comSUBJECT: Us (D0n't Del3te!)This message was sent with high importance.Oh, Pam, just the thought of you makes me feel like a proud Taepo-Dong Missile being fueled and ready for launch! When I heard you'd left that white-trash

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-1164035091445235892006-11-20T09:21:00.000-05:002007-04-11T15:21:24.946-04:00

Russian President Vladimir Putin and George W. Bush met briefly during the International Wizards' Ball on Friday to discuss the bilateral Russian-American Idiotglossia Treaty. The treaty, which must be re-ratified every four years, asserts that the superpowers have primacy over all the other nations, which have been termed, in the language of the accords, "stinky." A provision of the treaty

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-1162949878181548092006-11-07T19:38:00.000-05:002007-04-11T15:22:50.113-04:00

Oh shizzle! Live from 6th Avenue in fabulous Manhattan... It's the Fall Dictators' Fashion Review!!!! Oh, yes, ladies and gentlemen, in a day chock-full of democratic gop-chop, a day of voting, Revolution (89 years ago, but who's counting) and really annoying (yet poorly dressed!) pundits, I think we all need to dip back into our inner self-absorbed autocrat and go back to another day... a day

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-1161913345954435052006-10-26T20:19:00.000-04:002007-04-11T15:23:08.414-04:00

"Oh no you dih-ent!"Today President Putin paid a visit to one of Moscow's most elite hip-hip academies Friday in order to check up on the students' progress and offer some much-needed advice. "Your steps have to pop before they lock: BEFORE they lock!" One student, however, was unimpressed, and calmly accused the President of not keepin' it real. Oh, snap! Yeah, that's really PutinStudents

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36646952.post-1161879676928191222006-10-26T12:15:00.000-04:002007-04-11T15:23:30.313-04:00

For this reason, and this reason alone, this blog has been created: to mercilessly assail, harangue, and mock stupid dictators across the world. Because, as de Toqueville once noted, "the [true path to] democracy ... lies in [savagely badgering] those ... of a [totalitarian bent] with [a] ... [wit sharpe] and a blog [hilarious]." Man, de Toqueville was such a genious.Here's looking at you, Kim!

Captain Haddockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11407730747121559318noreply@blogger.com0